Thursday, January 12, 2017


Visits that's all they were, not check ins but pit stops usually or food or to get something he'd forgotten. I always lit up when he come home because he's my soul mate and I relish his company and I thought it a big deal since Ayden was out of school for the holidays and he really needn't stop by.

I remember having an on going headache the weeks before Christmas and he didn't check up me. He kept asking me if he should get me something and I often said no, but most times I just didn't answer.

To be fair he hadn't checked up on me in years not even when I was pregnant with Ari. I had to argue with him every time for everything I felt I needed that he should know to give me without me spelling it out to him all the time.

That is why when a dunce comes on my facebook page and tries to publicly humiliate me I don't waste my limited energies in responding since I have washed cooked and clean and taken care of everyone except myself for years and my husband should be able to wash, cook and clean and take care of me and the children at least when I am pregnant or unwell.

I am not a slave and at times I feel like I am running around cleaning up everyone's mess. Looking through my husband's clean clothes for his dirty one because he never puts them where they're supposed to go.

The first years of my marriage was hard and I questioned the notion that the wife or mother should do it all. I remember getting so mad at my husband when we finally moved out of Portmore because he never did anything and if I asked him to do anything it would be done "half ass" so he could go watch TV or sit and use his phone.
I was pregnant and I got up early every morning to cook so he would have a good breakfast and his lunch would be packed in a lunch bag that I forced him to carry most days. I would wash and iron his clothes and yet he couldn't take out the garbage in the mornings or scour the bathroom on the weekends.

Dinner would be waiting for him when he got home everyday because that's the kind of wife I am.

January 2016 I was diagnose with a heart condition and high blood pressure.

I was told my blood count was deadly low and later in the year found out I was pregnant.

There were times when I was bedridden and couldn't stand without feeling faint and dizzy. My stomach was so destroyed that I couldn't even drink water.

I remember feeling like I had no one, which I am used to so it doesn't bother me much, but I need my husband. I needed him to hold down the fort until I got better. Take over and do what I did and he didn't.

Ayden went to school late everyday and often times without breakfast because daddy didn't know what to make. He often didn't bathe him or forgot to brush his teeth or comb his hair. His homework didn't get done because I was sick and couldn't help him like I always did as much as he didn't like me helping him.

If Kevin was ever early to work it was because of me. I would stay up to wake him up. I would start breakfast at 4:30 so that he could have something in him for those early shoots even while I was pregnant with all three of his children.

There were times I thought I was loosing my mind because of the repetition and the routine. The anxiety of having got done with the sweeping and wiping to watch a bottle of juice fall from Aaron's hands and spill all over. Thinking as it falls just how many times I told him not to open the bottle.

If my husband does anything around the house it's because he wants to do it because I cant get him to do anything and whenever he does do something I ask him to do it is done "half ass" so I let him be.

I don't even argue anymore.

I go in the bathroom, I sit on the toilet and I cry.

I pray. I forget. I move on.

I pray.

Then I pray some more.

These are better days. He doesn't forget me as much.

I have been having a backache for the past week and he called to check up on me.

Sunday and Wednesday past he swept and wiped and I even heard him in the kitchen in the night washing up the dishes.

He gets up some mornings and says "TRich, I am going to make such and such for breakfast." He even asks me if I want tea.

I wake up early every morning at about 4:30am to take Ayden to the bathroom and since my back has been acting up daddy has been doing it and I look at him as if I am staring at a figment of my imagination.

He cleaned the closet mirrors this morning, something I have been asking him to do well before Christmas.

He takes Ariah when she cries without being prompted though he's just a quick to give her back as soon as I get out of the shower, kitchen or come back in from hanging clothes on the line.

My husband is pretty stellar when he wants to be. He can make me both mad and glad in the same breath.

I love what 2017 is doing to him and I hope things only get better from here...even though I know that marriage is never without growing pains.


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